it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Randomize
