I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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