Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
