she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
