Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
