Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I just sharted jello shots
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
