so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
