I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
