I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
