It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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