dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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