I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
