I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
