But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
