So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today