I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT