some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again