this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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