So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
