Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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