Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
