Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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