i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
