im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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