i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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