I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
