someone get that fucking seahorse.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
