I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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