we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish i was in the wii world.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
