Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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