so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this just has baby written all over it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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