I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
