matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
