my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
