Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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