And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
