He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
