oh god the rape fog is back!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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