wakey wakey hands off snakey
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i think my cat just said my name.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
