Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he shaved USA in his pubs
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
