maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
