Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just cut my nipple shaving
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
