new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
