I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
