a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
they're like a gay fantastic four
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
