Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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