Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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