One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
