"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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