Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
