Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
