i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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