I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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