I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
