apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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