so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
