I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Randomize
