I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
me + whiskey = a bad person
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
