Princesses don't give blow jobs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
