Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Acid is not a monday night drug
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
