U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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