do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
