I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize