The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
