you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
please come you make the beer taste better
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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