college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize