I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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