Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
vagina is talking i cant
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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